By in Mindfulness

Using Self-Talk to Boost Self-Confidence

You may be aware that years ago, there was a popular, light-hearted theory that talking to yourself was “the first sign of madness”. 

All I can say about that is: if it’s true, an awful lot of people must be “mad”!  Nearly everybody talks to themselves, whether they admit it or not.  Even those who are adamant that they don’t will most likely have an internal dialogue running in the background.

When you talk to yourself, what do you say?

I’m often surprised by the number of people who aren’t consciously aware of talking to themselves; it’s simply as natural to them as breathing.  But sadly, in some cases, their self-talk only emphasises their long-held insecurities and holds them back from living their lives to the fullest.

The way we use self-talk matters.  Often, we engage in it more when we face obstacles in life and work, which means the words you use can have a powerful effect on your self-esteem.  And if you keep saying the same things over and over again, you’re more likely to believe them.

When you tell yourself that you “can’t do” something, you will have set yourself up to fail from the beginning.  You might even re-affirm those negative feelings later on, by saying something like: “I knew I couldn’t do that, so I was stupid to try”.

But is that really the truth?

Another aspect of negative self-talk that surprises me is how we can say things to ourselves that we would never say to a loved one.  For example: imagine telling your best friend that they “always mess things up”, or that they are “useless”.  How do you think they would feel?

Treating yourself like someone worth caring about – as you would a loved one – can be a good start when it comes to changing your internal dialogue.

Awareness of negative self-talk is key

Negative self-talk can have a corrosive effect on our self-confidence, and in turn, our lives and work.  But by practising mindfulness and noticing when it happens, you can actively change the conversation into something more positive.

You might find it helpful to write down some of the things you say to yourself, then change any negatives into positives.  So, “I can’t do that” could become, “This will be challenging, but I’ll try my best.  Who knows – I might even enjoy it and do well, but whatever else happens I’ll definitely learn something.”

The effects of positive self-talk can be life-changing

It has the power to benefit our mental health, relationships, and our performance at work.  Studies have also shown that people who talk positively to themselves develop a mindset that helps them withstand challenges and develop effective strategies for emotional resilience during times of stress.

A 2019 study in particular concludes that using second-person pronouns (“you” instead of “I”) helps boost performance and regulate emotions even further.  You could try talking to yourself as though you were your own best friend, and see what effects this has on your self-esteem.

(You could be surprised!)

Louise is a wellness therapist, embodiment coach, clinical hypnotherapist, teacher of meditation and teacher of the Realisation Process (RP). For further information or to book a treatment phone Louise on 01702 714968 or contact us to book an appointment.

Louise
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